Five Terrible and Unforeseen Consequences of the Roundabout Debacle

If you are a mildly sentient human within the Nairobi sphere, you may have noticed something in the recent days, a hellish death march of traffic from which there is no escape. The cause of course, is roundabouts being systematically destroyed. Those in charge of the project however didn’t fully foresee the breadth of the consequences that were to come out of the massive undertaking.

Used up Data Bundles

You have to do something in that sweltering bus, so naturally check out that YouTube video of a cat punching a polar bear (you know the one). Soon however, your boredom will have consequences as you will receive messages from on high that in fact, your access to internet connectivity has rapidly ran out.

Depression

Hours gone. Every day, minutes will tick by in a thankless sea of perpetual sadness. Luckily for you, this is drudgery that you can repeat every day, twice a day for the near foreseeable future until getting up in the morning feels like a black hole. Happy yet? Wait until a bus tries to make an illegal u-turn and causes you to miss your sister’s wedding (start praying for forgiveness now).

Muddy Pants

Eventually a frustrated commuter will leap out of their matatu to avoid terminal psychosis, upon doing so however they will rapidly be confronted with the slog of mud and muck kicked up by thousands of people who shared the exact same thought process. Upon entering their place of employment, horror will arise in their hearts as their pants are found to be cacked in gunk.

Economic Despair

Traffic equals raised fares. It’s a Nairobi symbiotic relationship older than mbuzi and salt. One hand holds the other, so prepare yourself for much lighter pockets for the coming several weeks. Enjoy a nightly meal of one egg and half a pack of skuma wiki until the madness subsides.

Road Rage

Even the nun in the next car over can’t escape this one. The constant gridlock will turn even the most mild-mannered breeder of puppies into a gibbering fountain of madness four hours in. Try to avoid looking at anyone too directly in the eye: doing so could lead to confrontation, misunderstanding and slap fights with strangers.