Top Ten Things you must carry to a festival

It’s festival season, oh wait, this is Nairobi, it is always festival season. Now, by festival we are not talking of the Music Festivals of your primary school days (even though these ones have a bit of music in them) we are talking of the urban excuse for show off and indulging in over priced liquor- perhaps. Now, if you have seen an event invite pop up on your Facebook and have no idea what you ought to take to an art festival, worry not, we have you covered.

1. Sunglasses

In case you find the word ‘big’ to be a bit ambiguous for your liking, replace it with huge. The aim here is to cover your eyes plus nose and give yourself an illusion of importance, or celebrity status. Glasses are supposed to do this, apparently.

2. Huge hat

Now, the hat is very important. It has to be cool and yet unique. How do you tell if yours makes the cut? It’s all in the brim! Is your hat wide-brimmed? No? Then throw it away and get another one. Now, the brim could either be floppy or stiff but it has to be wide and protect you from the imaginary sun that is after your endangered melanin levels. The hat isn’t gender insensitive, everyone must bring/wear one to an art festival.

3. African print

An art festival is your chance to declare your ‘hippiness’. Now, because this is Nairobi and your hippie soul has to declare its love for something, African print is what you are going to declare your love for. Rummage through your closet or call your local tailor and put together an outfit, the brighter the better so feel free to thrown in your green and orange leso into the mix.

4. A dog and a Toddler

These two are very important because you see, attending an art event is a declaration of your inner ‘bourgie’ nothing screams more ‘bourgie’ than a poodle. Know what looks perfect next to a fluffy poodle? A cute toddler… Just in case you do not own a poodle, not to worry, they sell them in along Lower Kabete Road in the evening traffic.

6. A Picnic Basket

Let’s face it, now that you have bought tickets to your art festival and cleaned up your toddler, you will need something to keep you busy at the art festival (seeing as you do not know any of the acts that will be performing and thus might not get up to dance). Food is always a saviour, so pack up some and please, not last supper’s left overs.

7. A car

Huge hats, sunglasses and toddlers all need transportation, as does your picnic set up. So you will need to get a car, drive into the art festival in style. Let no one stop you, borrow your mother’s or your brother’s if you think yours is a bit too shabby. Alternatively, look up Easy Taxi and mention something about wanting to imbibe with your peace of mind intact.

8. An accent

If you are going to wear your huge sunglasses and the floppy hat that covers half of your torso, you had better sound the part, right? This is where an accent comes into play. Celebrities do not sound like a Murang’a export, at least not the kind that attend art festivals. So stand in front of the mirror and perfect gliding over your Rs.

9. A Camera

This is the era of Instagram, shame on you if you are going to attend a cool art festival and not produce evidence. Your phone’s camera is probably adequate but if you happen to be friends with a ‘professional’ photographer, you might want to have him/her tag along to the art festival and have you, the poodle and toddler play model.

10. Your Liver

Since you do not know most of the people on the artists line up, you are probably going to have something cheap but overpriced in your hand the whole time. The contents of your cup will demand for a liver, make sure you do not leave yours at home on the day of the art/music festival.