Tribalism, pornography and marriage
Nyumbani ni wapi? Where is your home? The security officer at the entrance of a building asks me, he is surrounded by other security officers waiting to ‘scan’ people as they entered. ‘Maragoli,’ I answer, even though I’m not sure what that means. ‘I should have known,’ he continues, pointing at my calf muscles (skuembes…squembs?) I laugh with all of them as they stare at my calf muscles.
I don’t take offense because I am quite proud of my calf muscles , but I wonder at how easily my body betrays me, how accurate stereotypes can be. If stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, i.e. they must be based on something to prevail for long enough to become stereotypes… then all Kikuyu’s love money, all Luo’s are proud and all Luhya’s love tea, (and the ladies have impressive calf muscles.)
It’s like saying all politicians are liars, all lawyers crooked and all dentists untrustworthy; there may be exceptions but generally speaking everyone knows: if there are people you shouldn’t trust, it’s doctors, lawyers and politicians.
I find most tribal stereotypes apply to a certain extent, not personally or on purpose but because of the different priorities taught in the different cultures. I can attest that Luhya’s love tea, we do, and if you say you love tea too we’ll shake our heads and disagree. You don’t know how. It’s not your fault, you just weren’t taught right.
Which brings me to pornography. Unlike a deep and flowing love for tea, for example, or a proud mien, there are no stereotypes in the field of pornography. Or rather no observed stereotypes. It’s so secret, so layered in taboo that a generalisations become impossible. I wonder what the statistics would show though, if those with Maasai blood, for example, have a tendency to like ebony porn, or BDSM.
Yet everyone knows about this pornography, how could they not in this sex craving city. SO much sex is going on it’s a wonder they still call the country Christian. Is pre-marital sex still a sin or has the church lowered its standards? And ,my goodness, the amount of porn being watched!
Poor governance and suspiciously un-democratic manipulation shows itself in the massive gap between the law and reality in cases like pornography. If democracy is for the people and by the people then pornography should not be illegal. The making and watching of it should not be so secret especially since so many partake in it, one way or another…
Or maybe people don’t watch as much porn as I think…
Now the question remains is how one consolidates marriage and pornography. It can be done in a few ways. One: humans are mentally incapable of monogamous relationships. Yes, I love you and only you but, I would like to do naughty things to her too. The concept of marriage is only viable if you need to keep property in the family or to pass on prejudice and culture and thought processes. It has very little to do with love which does not need a certificate and ceremony to be valid and whole.
Two: Marriage links well with the topic of pornography because it too appears different to what it looks with its socio-political manipulative moldings. I have always been suspicious of marriages but with the addition of religion and law to the mix an alarm bell goes wild in my head. When you factor in the cost of the whole shebang (get it?) and spending that much time with people you see only every five years or so…I think it’s fair to certify all who even consider marriage as insane. They would be given their own so as to limit infection.
Like anywhere in the world the space from which ‘your people’ comes from is deeply rooted in the identity and perspective of any given Kenyan. By asking nyumbani ni wapi an average Kenyan will tell you many things about yourself, about ‘your people,’ about your tribe. But more interesting to me every time is any conversation about porn… or marriage sometimes.
By Ondi L. Madete
