Why Chimamanda wants us to all be feminists.
“Feminist: A person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.”
Thanks to Beyoncé, we all know this snippet from Chimamanda Adichie’s popular TedX talk. Ms. Adichie has gone on to write an e-book based on this talk, suitably titled - ‘We Should All Be Feminists’. Chimamanda wrote this book because she wanted to fully explain why she is so adamant on her feminist stance and why she thinks we all need to join her bandwagon.
The 70 page e-book starts with Chimamanda telling a story about her longtime friend, Okoloma who passed away in 2005. Okoloma was the very first person to ever call the author a feminist. She explains how at the time she had no idea what it meant but the manner that her friend had said it made her think of it as a negative statement. Fast forward many years later, after the release of her novel, Purple Hibiscus, Chimamanda was labeled a feminist yet again by her peers; journalists, academics etc. The word feminist according to them was an unhappy woman who could not find a husband. Feminism was ‘un-African’ and an influence from the Western world, being a feminist meant that she hated men. Chimamanda took the moniker with pride and made it her own, calling herself a happy, African feminist who does not hate men. As the constant criticism kept rolling in, she could see all the negativity the word feminist carried and was determined to change that.
She tells another childhood story of a time when she was appointed class monitor but immediately lost that position to a boy simply because he was male and she, female despite being top of her class and earning the right to be class monitor. So because only boys were usually chosen as class monitors, it became a norm that could never change. It is sadly not just an African mentality but a global one as well… ‘If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal’. Chimamanda talks of her life in Lagos, how extremely male dominated it is that even a simple thing as a woman seen walking into a hotel is looked down upon as people assume she is a sex worker as opposed to someone just coming to the hotel for say a meeting or for lunch with friends.
A woman footing the bill at a restaurant is looked down upon. I have seen that a lot here in Nairobi as well. When a group of 2, 3 or 4 people meet at a restaurant and one of them happens to be male, waiters/waitresses automatically assume it is he to pay for the meal. It is something we have been so accustomed to since time immemorial and hence, it became normal. So when a woman pays the bill, the man may take it as an insult to his ever-fragile ego. When in essence, she is just doing what a man would do as well which is perfectly okay. If she wants to cover the bill this time, let her. Don’t judge her for it or take offence. In fact, you should be glad she can pull her own weight in whatever situation just like you as a man, can as well. Equality can’t be that hard a thing to fathom can it?
Chimamanda emphasizes the fact that as humans we have really evolved but our ideas of gender are still stuck in the medieval ages. Here in Kenya it is not as suffocating for an independent woman as it is in Lagos and I am so thankful for that. Seems we are gradually heading in the right direction. A woman in Lagos cannot enter clubs alone, she has to be accompanied by a man otherwise she will not get in. When seen hand in hand with a man, the man will be acknowledged but not the woman. The woman is basically invisible. I’d like to see clubs in Nairobi try that and see if they’ll ever have a full house.
The work place is yet another instance where people really need to understand why feminism exists and fight for the injustices that women go through on the daily. We all know how condescending some men can be, I say some because it’s not every single man who feels superior towards women. Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook wrote an entire book just based on this. Assuring women that they have a right as any man to sit at the table, they can give their ideas and opinions and take action without the fear of being judged or even worse getting the sack. If we kept living in that fear, the Daily Nation would have a very hard time finding Top 40 women under 40 for their annual Business Daily segment.
Chimamanda teaches a writing workshop in Lagos and she says that some participants have been warned to stay away from her workshop. That listening to her ‘feminist talk’ would make these women absorb ideas that would destroy their marriages. I don’t know why marriage is such a heavily emphasized issue in African communities. I am only in my early twenties, but the pressure to tie the knot in this generation right now is crazy! I know some families that wait for their daughter to graduate from school and then the next thing they expect from her is to find a husband. Not get a job, build her career or even possibly get another degree. She needs to get a man; correction - get a reputable man, get married, and have kids. That apparently is your role in life as a woman. Finding a life partner is not to be looked down upon of course, no man is an island after all. But this man should come into your life because of how you live your life. Not because that is all you want in life.
She not only focuses on women alone though. Like the title says, Chimamanda wants us ALL to be feminists. She has a section on men as well and how we as a society have done a great disservice to them in how they are raised. Masculinity is defined in an extremely narrow way and putting young boys in such a cage so early in life teaches them to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of being a normal. This has left most men with very fragile egos. Any small thing, like say paying the bill at a restaurant instead of letting him do it, makes them feel like you are challenging their manhood. One of the quotes from this book that really spoke to me and relates to this was something Chimamanda said when asked whether she worries about men being intimidated by her… “A man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.”
Society needs to change its stance on these gender ‘rules’ if at all equality between the sexes is to be achieved. Women will give up jobs, career dreams, even going to particular places or acquainting herself with particular people all to please the man whilst in a relationship/marriage. Why do we never see a man making the same compromise? The sad thing is that we live in a society where men seem to have all the power, and why? Because it happens all the time and it has become normal.
Feminists are not bad people. They are not trying to say that women and only women should rule the world; all they are saying is that society should really give women a break. We can’t wear what we want without being judged or some man seeing it as his chance to take forceful advantage of our bodies. We can’t go to work every day and come home without a man expecting us to cook and clean and raise the kids as well yet he is equally capable of doing it himself. We can’t expect to be as successful as the man because the man expects us to be seen and not heard. So many rules and gender expectations are placed on the woman; especially the African woman and people still wonder why Feminism is on the rise? Chimamanda writes that men feel threatened by the idea of feminism… ‘Their sense of self-worth is somehow diminished if they are not naturally in charge as men.’
Culture may have stated many years ago that women are to be subordinate to men but culture is constantly changing and we should adjust accordingly. Chimamanda concludes her book by saying - ‘Culture does not make people. People make culture.’ and posed a question to her readers that I will direct to all of us…
‘What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on interest instead of gender?’ Wonder how much better the world would be with such a generation in it.
