Dear Catherine Ngina

While rifling through The Star recently we came across your article “Annoying things some gay people do”. It was a wonderful example of how stereotypes from people such as you make it into everyday life. “Assuming all the people you meet are gay” is one thing we’ve never heard of before though. Maybe you made it up? After reading this we googled your name to see if your other articles were as closed minded as this one and we were shocked! You seem to have a very liberal view on sex and absolutely no respect for the institution of marriage. Articles such as “The Do’s and Don’ts of dating a married man” and “5 reasons you should stay single” seem to be your mainstay.

Are you writing for shock value, Catherine, trying to get as many people angry so they read more of your work? If you are, then we believe congratulations are in order because people are angry. Gay people are angry that you dared tell them how to live their lives and should brush of discrimination aimed at them, wives are angry that you would intimate that infidelity is ok as they struggle to hold together their marriages, married men are angry that you tell the world that the minute their wives put on their wedding rings they lost whatever freedom they had and writers are angry because you continue to publish such tripe.

See Catherine, your tactics have worked. Perhaps next you’ll write on how to steal another man’s wife or how to date a man five times your age. Certainly things that would fit with your “shock them don’t inform them” style of writing. We showed your article to some members of the Nairobi LGBTI community and then asked them what the most frustrating things straight people say to them and here’s what they had to say

Allan, 23

“Which of you is the woman in the relationship?”

Every time I hear this I feel like slapping the asker. The assumption that gay relationships are similar to hetero ones with regard to gender roles is stupid and ignorant. I once saw a quote online that likened this question to going to a Chinese restaurant and asking the waiter which chopstick is the fork. Honestly what you’re asking (admit it) is who between, my partner and I, is the bottom. This frankly is rude and you’d have to be really close to me if you want such intimate details about my sex life.

Wambui, 27

“Men are so awful/confusing/difficult, I’m turning lesbian. It’s so much easier for you.

On what planet were women ever less confusing than men? Just honestly think about it. Did you skip every single class that involved hormonal mood swings due to the fact that women’s bodies are much more complicated and go through a hell of a lot more than men’s do? If you think men are confusing wait till you try women, you’ll be back on the heterosexual bus faster than you can yell “I’m not a dyke.” (I can write that since I’m gay but you can’t). Being attracted to the opposite sex isn’t something you just decide to do, its as horrible as saying “You know you don’t have to be gay ,just become straight.” I’m tired of straight girls thinking they can just wake up one morning and decide that they’re attracted to women. Please keep me out of your desire to experiment with your body.

Vikie, 24

“You’re so pretty for a lesbian”

Um no honey, I’m pretty for a girl. The assumption that women who are gay are ugly or considered undesirable by men is frankly annoying. We don’t all look and dress like Ellen Degeneres speaking of whom have you seen her wife? Portia Di Rossi? That woman is a straight man’s wet dream and yes she’s one of us.

Juma, 29

“My gay friend _______________”

I constantly fight with my friends about this whenever they introduce me or refer to my friend as “gay Mwangi” at the bar or wherever. It’s sad that the only way you can think to identify me is as gay before anything else. Not my doctor friend (some people describe me as their gay doctor friend), my Tanzanian friend or my friend from university. I don’t introduce you to my people as straight Tom/Dick/Harry. Yes I’m gay AND PROUD but I’ll be damned if that will be the only thing I’m recognised for.

Oluoch 22

“I don’t care what anyone does in the privacy of their bedroom as long as they don’t do it in public.”

I have a boyfriend and I love that man. If we’re in public we hold hands sometimes we kiss and we generally show affection for each other because as I said, we’re in love. If this offends you then I cant help but pity you .I’ll never hide the wellspring of happiness this man gives me just because you aren’t comfortable. Being gay isn’t about sex and what happens behind closed doors. It’s about love and finding the person who completes you and is willing to share themselves with you emotionally and yes physically.

Karanja 23

“When did you decide to be gay?”

I just respond with “When did you decide to be heterosexual.”

 

By Adam Kiboi