The Snarls of Nairobi Traffic and When to Avoid Them

You’re thinking, all of Nairobi is a traffic snarl. That’s very perceptive, and correct to boot. However there are three major snarls that can cause sudden onset existential crisis, making you punch the wheel and grow the flames of road rage into a towering inferno. Nobody wants to see next week’s newspapers read “Madness Grips Commuter: Four Feared Dead”. If you don’t find your face plastered on wanted posters, please heed our advice.

3) Ngong Road in the evenings - The rapid expansion of Nairobi is growing ever outward. As such people simply going home at the end of the day is at an all time high, making this two lane catastrophe a succubus of traffic. Those happy little bypass routes aren’t quite done, so for the foreseeable future, it’s just jammed. However, the march of progress goes on, and sooner or later the bypass will at last take off some of the tension. In the meantime side effects of Ngong Road at rush hour may include; terminal mental illness, intestinal distress and alcoholism.

2) Langata Road in the mornings - Many jobs have been lost here, as new job candidates miss interviews with frightening regularity. The complicated roundabouts, and frequent sudden fits of construction make this one a deeply frightening prospect for anyone who just can’t avoid going there. It’s also prone to random events; acts of god, nature and karmic injustice (it was once shut down for hours due to a lion chilling in traffic). For your mental sanity, clear off from this one between 7-10; or forsake hope, ye who enters.

1) Mombasa road at any rush hour - The granddaddy of chaos, problems, hassle and infinite sadness; the always dreadful Mombasa road. Road changes come slow, it’s choke points are too narrow, and the matatu drivers too aggressive for this to be anything but a pit of despair at rush hour. Between 7-11 in the morning and 4-9 p.m. Just simply don’t go. It’s hideous, with the side effects spilling out across the city like a tireless flood. The worst hit is Uhuru Highway, which reaches critical mass during evening hours as a result of traffic cops starting and stopping the flow in a meaningless bid to control it. Recently a truck accident farther out on Mombasa Road caused twelve hour long jams on a Sunday night. Case closed.

There you go Nairobi, you can’t say we didn’t warn you.