Bride Price app, the easy way to calculate dowry

So dowry is still quite important in the African society it seems. It was bad enough that Maasai and Kikuyu men used to run along with a girl or two just for the kick of it while stealing each others cows, but now it’s still frowned upon if you marry without dowry. Ah, tradition and it’s glory.

Modern feminists practically get their bones rattled at the thought of being exchanged for smelly cows. Still, we’re sure there a lot of you who from time to time discuss how much you’re willing to give or be given in order to tie that till death to us part knot. But in all honesty, cattle are quite expensive and this economy doesn’t take into account that it needs to be bought.

Bride price is a serious matter in this day and age! So it’s no shocker that with new technology comes new ways to make Brideprice negotiations easier. “Shall we ask for 10 cows or is our communal daughter worth 15?” We’re sure fathers and uncles have asked this question for years in Africa, figuring out how much dowry one is worth can be quite hectic, I mean, people do want value for what they purchase right? Not that wives are for purchase of course, we’d never mean that…

So what criteria does this app use to decide how much you’re worth? Everyone knows that in African tradition the first-born son is heavily praised as the heir to whatever the family has, goats and all, but we’ve also heard that being the first-born daughter would get your family serious cattle. How about being the only daughter though? That’s sure to rake in the cows like no other.

However, this app takes other things into account, asking your height, your weight and even your leg shape (What?). Of course this app had to conform to the ‘Team Light skin’ ‘Team dark skin’ fad, one of the options for skin colour is even “Lupita” which would get you about 50,000 Naira. Being half cast also gets you the same amount, seems like the two opposite sides of the skin colour spectrum have more in common than we thought.

Ever heard of ‘the gap?’ No not the thigh gap people, lets be serious, the gap in this case is a gap between your front two teeth. Supposedly having a gap seriously lifts up your dowry according to the Brideprice app. But what really brings in those big bucks, is having ‘Ronaldinho’ teeth. We’re not sure why, but if that’s what people are into, live and let live. It’s good to know that the ‘elders’ who decide your Bride price take into account intelligence though. Who’d want an unintelligent wife right? But then they go back to being traditional patriarchs and ask for your cooking skills. Really?

But is this app actually serious? It’s all fun and games doing it just for laughs but what if people actually start using it as a serious Brideprice calculator? In our opinion dowry should not be modernised, these days it’s used more as a symbol of tradition so why would anyone want to ruin that with making it so condescending? And the prices? Are they worth actual prices? Last time we checked dowry was in the form of cattle, since when did it change? Does that mean wives are literally being bought? All in all this app is way too humorous to not check out, just don’t take things to seriously though. It’s a real sham if you ask us, women are not to be calculated thank you very much!

Click here to see how much your bride price would be, don’t be scared, plus you can always lie on some anyway.