Things Straight Guys Do To Make Other Straight Guys Uncomfortable

There is a meme/vine theme going around and it can be summarised in one word - “Bruh”. You know, when a guy does or says something that makes all his boys go silent in stunned shock (and then someone comes up with a silly picture to represent it).

Well here it is, the “Bruh” guide to the does and don’t of heterosexual man to man interactions:

1. Food

Certain foods have certain connotations. It is no coincidence that there are so many songs about milkshake, lollipops, and ice cream. So the theory is, that a guy can’t eat a banana while looking straight at another guy. Well guess what… here at UP we’ve tried and much hilarity has ensued! Go on… try it… we know you want to.

2. Complimenting another guys clothing.

When a girl tells you you look nice in that new fitting shirt, your chest puffs out slightly. When your best bud tells you the same thing, there is a frisson of shock that runs through all gathered. Note the subtle difference between saying: “That’s a really cool shirt bruh!” and “You look really good in that shirt”.

3. Inappropriate Touching

In the bible it says there is a time and place for everything. When your friend loses someone dear to them, then it is appropriate to give them a man hug- you know- when you clasp hands and give a brief hug, patting them firmly on the back. Do NOT, however, rub their back lovingly, however close they may be to you.

4. Crying.

Real men don’t cry. Well, there are certain scenarios that allow for a limited amount of water-works, like when watching Cinderella Man or when your team wins the Champions’ League with the last kick of the match. However, when you start bawling because you saw an abandoned baby on the side of the road, ‘Bruh’.

5. Fashion

When you see a girl looking good in the club, the approved reaction to your boys is “dayyyumm!”. There is no call for discussing which fashion house crafted her 7 inch heels. Guys are not supposed to know these things.