How To Survive: Pickpockets

Just because you’re rolling in a crew, it does not mean your belongings are safe. This is Nairobi, or Nairoberry as some refer to our increasingly insecure city. Remember that cutie who wanted to grind on you last weekend? She didn’t really like your cologne; she was after your phone. Here’s how to survive through Nairobi Nights with your phone intact:

Rule number one; always have a Mulika Mwizi (slang for a basic, affordable phone). You WILL swap your sim card into this phone while you’re getting ready early on in the evening. You may even have a separate sim specifically for that Mulika Mwizi phone to avoid the hustle. Whatever you decide, just make sure you step out the crib with a modest looking phone.

If you’re about that selfie life, and must have that super fancy phone, just know that while you’re trying to work your best angle, there’s someone plotting to pocket your precious phone. Be discreet and vigilant if you really must strike a pose.

So you’re in the club, sipping on some overpriced beverage and trying to look cool yet approachable—check your pockets now. In fact, every time you think of your ex, check your phone because there’ll be too many people trying to squeeze past you and in that confusion, you will almost certainly lose your phone. Our humble suggestion is to incorporate pocket patting into whatever dance you have. Be creative but whatever you do, do not let two songs go by without patting your pocket or checking your bag.

Ladies, if you must open your bag, make sure you zip it shut with the zip facing forward at the front, proceed to hold on tightly. Avoid letting people take care of it because that’s when things go missing, your friend turns to the person on her left, and someone’s sticky hand is in and out of your purse in seconds. In short, trust no one.

If you’re bold enough to go out with an expensive phone, download whatever apps are compatible with your phone to trace it in case it’s taken. After all this advice, if your phone is stolen, well, you should learn to take advice! Don’t get salty; just make sure you know people at the nearest police station where you regularly rave. When you retrieve your phone (people do), you may or may not deliver a hot Kidero slap to the thief (We won’t judge you).

 

By Josephine Opar