The Diamond Killed My Diet

There’s a place we know. A place where every food lover should go. It presents fare that you could die for…but not if you want to be a size four. The place: Diamond Plaza. The suspects: myself and my friend. We were there because we were craving some of Maru’s bhajias. Craving them bad enough to be willing to sit through Friday evening traffic from South B to Parklands, and you know Nairobi traffic nowadays can probably only be matched by traffic in Delhi.

Now, if you’ve never been to Diamond Plaza, you’re missing out on a good deal. The place is more like a slightly upmarket Kenyatta Market: good food, sinfully reasonable prices, absolutely no emphasis on ambience. Anyway, since we were both weight-watching, we thought vegetarian would be a good place to start, right? Wrong! Because potatoes may be vegetables, but when coated in batter and deep-fried, all the healthy goodness is replaced with sinful sweetness. So, to sin or not to sin?

After five seconds of thinking, we figured if God forgives, the diet (and vegetarians) would too, and our taste buds would love us for our indiscretion. So we gave in to temptation and ordered bhajias, a chicken tikka, and fruit cocktails. In my defense, we thought the chicken would count for something healthy since tikka means grilled, not deep fried. We didn’t have to wait long for the bhajias, which were placed (unceremoniously) before us. It didn’t matter. Those golden brown pieces had just the right amount of crunch in them.

The flavour, the freshness of the ingredients - even on a plastic plate – could only have been sent right from the heaven that is Maru’s deceptively simple kitchen. And the chili blended kachumbari and chili peppers? Delicious! The chicken tikka came when we were already halfway through the bhajias, we were ready to cancel the order, but how do you go back on your word when you’ve already made the decision to eat in sin?

How do you say no to the chicken that gave its life for you? So we heeded that call, and tucked into that succulent, moist meat, roasted by blessed hands. All accompanied by a mango and tree tomato cocktail, so thick it felt like a smoothie. Though I’m convinced it had added sugar, and the tikka and bhajia combo was probably worth breakfast and lunch in calories, it was worth it. The entire meal: orgasmic, really. Forty-five minutes and Ksh1,200 later, we sat there, looking at three empty plates, completely satisfied. Forget a size 4, I won’t be fitting into a size 12 any time soon.

Share this post