The story of Nyeri women beating up their husbands has been making headlines for quite some time. The previously unknown “phenomenon” has now raised questions on the state of marital affairs in that region and, by extension, the rest of the country. In 2009, the non-profit organization Maendeleo ya Wanaume carried out a survey in over 40 districts across the country. The findings showed that there were 1.5 million cases of husband abuse nationwide. A 2011 survey, focusing on the Central and Nairobi provinces, determined that more than 300,000 cases were recorded of men who had suffered abuse at the hands (and tongues) of their better halves.

Nderitu Njoka, founder and chairman of Maendeleo, stresses that many men suffer abuse in silence, making it look like it is a rare (if not seldom) occurrence. “Twenty-five percent of men who suffer abuse do so because of irresponsible behaviour,” he says, referring to husbands who engage in alcohol and other activities that frustrate their wives. Only three months ago in Kanamakwa, Nyeri County, a wife poured hot water on her husband who came home drunk, staggering and demanding food, despite having left nothing for the family earlier on.

Njoka believes the greater emphasis on the girl-child has led to the neglect of the boy-child. “Society imagines the boychild is okay. The girl has been taken care of more, the boy left out, vulnerable and unaware of how to act.” A statement, he says, that can be backed by the new constitution, which extends more attention and protection to women.

Is that true? Lilian Nyandoro, advocate of the High Court of Kenya and in charge of the Gender and Governance Programme in a regional NGO, agrees. “Times have changed, and women have become more independent. The man has to step up and not shy away,” she counsels.

So are a woman’s violent actions justified? Caroline Mbuthia, a psychologist, disagrees. She believes the abuse itself is “a desperate attempt to try to get him [the husband] to listen. Unfortunately, nothing can justify this kind of behaviour.”

For the past three months, Ms. Nyandoro has been conducting a women empowerment forum in Nyeri to help married couples find alternative ways to settle disputes. Betty Maina*, an attendee who has physically lashed out at her husband explains, “When your husband earns, on average, 100 Kenyan shillings a day, then wastes it on liquor every day, while you and the children suffer, words won’t get through to him.”

Her husband, Ephraim Maina*, also present at the open forum, blamed unemployment, “When a man has sorrow, he either drowns in it or drowns it in the cheap local brew,” he says. Blame can be passed on, excuses hurled, but at the end of the day, there is still a problem that needs to be dealt with. And as Ms. Mbuthia puts it, “Both the victim and perpetrator are in need of help.”

*Not their real names.

Caroline Mbuthia (Psychologist) +254 724 701 051; Lilian Nyandoro (Advocate of the High Court of Kenya) +254 722 660 166; Nderitu Njoka (Chair and Founder, Maendeleo Ya Wanaume), +254 722 764 995.