Surprisingly life-like, the pink, purple, brown or black “soldiers” stand at attention, lining the bottom-most shelf. They are armed and ready to bend, twist, vibrate and even wiggle into action. Their mission: pure pleasure. “The Rabbit is our most popular product,” says the female shop attendant. Forget Bugs Bunny. This non-furry namesake is a whole other kettle of hare.

He resides in a Kenyan-owned sex shop, full of all the bells and whistles needed to make you steamy between the sheets— partner notwithstanding. The best part about the Rabbit? There apparently is no Kenyan law explicitly deeming unlawful the purchase, sale and/or use of a pleasure rod of this or any other caliber. That’s why, after much giggling and elbow nudging, my partner-in-crime and I walked up to the entrance of the sex-toy outlet, located within a popular Nairobi shopping complex.

For a business that specializes in the sale of artificial phalluses (the strap-on and stand-alone varieties), virginity soaps, Thai massage oils, butt plugs, raunchy sex games and what appears to be Viagra in chewing gum form, the place seems, oddly enough, ordinary. Expecting this foray into the seamier side of life to be a cloak-and-dagger affair, I went incognito, wearing dark glasses and a silk scarf. But, save a few suggestive posters on the walls, nothing untoward flashed before our eyes as we walked through the narrow glass door and stood in front of the counter. In the words of Will Smith, it was time to get “gonzo” with it.

I was determined to find out why so many Nairobi women had found this mechanical beast irresistible. Getting “Pinocchio” set me back nearly 10,000 bob, but he proved to be worth it (read on). (Of course I cursed myself when I came across a Kenyan-run website that stocks a larger and cheaper selection of “wabbits”. The site even offers free and discreet home/office delivery. Better still, they accept payment via M-Pesa.) Our first night together with my new date was awkward. We were just getting to know each other, so he slept on the furthest corner of my bedside table. Plus, I had bought the wrong batteries and couldn’t charge him up. (For those not in the know, you need three pairs of AA Energizer “Bunnies.”) When I finally got the pink gizmo going, I developed a fresh fascination for speed. Or speeds, that is.

Fast, slow, slow, faster! This baby was designed for intense lovin’. Those silver pearls located mid-shaft are not for decoration, trust me. They shiver and shake and cause all kinds of good vibrations. The crowning glory, however, are the bunny ears. They’ve been strategically placed to “tickle the jelly bean”, making this Glitter one very, very happy girl. Think I’ll be staying indoors for the rest of July. It’s bound to be climactic.