There is a certain glamour to being a single parent; or rather, a perceived glamour. On daytime talk shows, we see episodes where teenagers as young as thirteen are keen on having babies, because they think it’s like having a Barbie doll. What they forget is that “doll” also cries, pees, poops and refuses to sleep all night. So how is it really for single parents, down home in the trenches?

Certainly, being a parent is one of the most difficult yet rewarding jobs on earth. It can also make one turn prematurely grey, go completely mad or want to run down the street, stark naked.

Angeline* was unmarried and in college when she conceived. Every morning at 5:00 a.m., she had to wake up to arrive at school on time. Not only that, but since the baby, hungry and wet, also woke up then, she had to spend the pre-dawn hour cleaning and feeding her

bundle of joy. Should the child decide to have insomnia for some reason, Angeline was forced to stay up, too, keeping her company most of the night. Angeline’s most impossible mission? Trying to keep her daughter quiet and from screaming in her ear, all the while fielding complaints from other members of the household. At least, the young mother, if she wasn’t single and was living with the baby’s father, she would have someone to glare at should he complain about the noise his baby was making!

Household help for single mothers can be a nightmare when there is a baby involved. Many ayahs or housemaids won’t stay for more than three months at a pop, unless one is very lucky. At least, that was Wanjiku’s* experience. She confessed to going through six house helps in the space of just 12 weeks. They seemed to be in a one-upmanship competition, with the first eating her out of house and home (so much so that her food budget doubled).

Considering that Wanjiku’s household was operating on a single income—and babies are, God help them, the proverbial money pit—she found she could no longer afford to keep the ravenous nanny.

No sooner was this young girl out of Wanjiku’s home than the neighbours came calling to congratulate the single mother on tossing her out. Why? Because the ayah had been busy wooing the askari with Wanjiku’s food. Sure, the way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but our heroine was not in the business of facilitating such a romance. She had a baby on board! Priorities, girlfriend, please.

And what about the dance of romance? Frankly, all the evidence suggests that dating and single motherhood just don’t mix. The logistics alone are mindboggling. Junior is waiting with bated breath for his mama to come home, ready to pounce. In the meantime, the boss wants to squeeze every last ounce of productivity from her. Between exhaustion, grueling hours and parenting, dating gets left by the wayside. Way by the wayside.

And should Mama Mia happen, just by chance, to come across someone who is willing to put up with all these shenanigans, then there is the challenge of getting the relationship with Prince Charming to gel with Junior. At what point, exactly, should a single mom introduce the man of the hour to her little darling?

Karen* always manages to make sure her son is at a sleepover when she has her own sleepovers. Still, its nerve wracking because kids are like Dobermans; they can sniff out anything...and everything. Karen prepares for that and a host of other kiddie tricks. She conducts a thorough inspection of the premises the morning after her date to make sure nothing incriminating remains. Still, when her son comes back and asks how her night was, she always feels a cold sweat break out on her brow, wondering why he’s looking at her so suspiciously. Like Caesar’s wife, she prefers to appear beyond reproach.

Keeping up appearances just might be the antidote to one aspect of single motherhood, the dating game. But our hats come off to all mothers who have hung in there in the high stakes of bringing up baby. Especially, if you’ve done it on your own.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.